Dying Patient Part 2

After my discharge day on the 24 August, I decided to pay a visit my patient in ICU ward for more then 3 weeks. I enter the ICU in my home clothing and one of staff nurse recognized me. At the nursing counter, She shares with me of my patient condition. I was very unset and not to break down tear in front of her. She shared with me that his condition was unstable for the last few days. His heart wave is increase 2mm apart and SPO2 is 95% even on oxygen therapy. His diagnosis was discussed as Acute Cardiomyopathy. His lung function is abnormal. Blood test results was in horrify, everything is in low and high. I though he will survive and get out of ICU. But I was totally wrong, I read his case notes and terrible sad and depression. I control my tease and do some basic care of him.

I held his hand and pray for him. I decided to tell him that I understand how you feel on the bed, but u will never be alone. The angles are the nurses and doctors are here to help you out. You can hear their voices and you can feel their touch on your skin. Now you can feel me holding your hand. We are here to encourage you to carry on to come back to life. Thinking and thinking away, and I guess he may not be able to live long as the stage of disease win over him. At the end, I told him again that I suggest that you shouldn’t hold on any longer and you have to leave here to go up to heaven. You have suffered enough of you life and days in the ICU. You might think I am selfish but it for your own good. You hear me and saw me beyond your side every week to visit you. You know and feel me taking care of your need. Everything is by heard and touches. Tear went down from my eye. I try to control but have reached my limit. And I did it, I cried in front of him. I said to myself, I don’t want to lose a friend like him. I don’t want to lose a life that, I have to care and other medical support. I just can’t bear the lose of a life. WHY is this thing happen to me? Do I against to other or am I actually selfish to myself? Friend, please tell me, why this is happen to me, please speak out. Cried over the time, and say guess I am foolish of myself. I’m sorry, got to leave here to go back and rest. If you decided to leave, I wish you look over us and answer our prayer. I left and thank to the staff nurse to share with me about his condition. She comforts me as I walk out of the ICU. Then blast to tear again and thinking what I have done. Taking the stair down and a story was left behind and never forget what happen.