Passion and a Calling

It is a month in medical center, since my last depression for 3 weeks. Last week was the 4 weeks; life was the same as usually. But I escape from my depression life and went for out field session live firing. I accepted the task and went with 2 other friends who I able to get well with them.

The coverage was 3days and 3 night, I was there giving my blood away to the mosquito, in the day came attack by session group in the night they attack by company line. I had a total of 40 bites all over my body. The mosquitoes are well train in biting through a thick layer uniform and they have session their needless and have intelligence mind. I used a lot of insect repellent and mosquito coil. Both preventive didn’t work at all. Never mind of it and carry on my duty. My officer-commander (OC) brought my friend and me around the field in Land Rover. I was in alert mode to ensure the officer took safety and preventive measure. My roles are:

- Provide safety to the solider
- Provide medical cover
- Preventive accident and heat stroke case
- To assess endanger life threading

Simple role like these it is not easy as it through. Especially at night, I have to also maintain light and sound discipline. Observe in silence way. Next day, my OC brought us to collect durian. OC sir, give us a fresh durian just drop off from the tress. We tasted creamy and nice. OC sir, also join us the fun as he always say, “there is joy and fun” “they is serious and discipline”

Soon, that night I do my reflection over night in the land rover. And reflection, how army life can be, it is my way of thinking committee suicide able to solve my problem just that MIA person causing the problem to us. Or should I just ignore him away as time go by.

As Harry ford said: “Weather you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right and have the power to do so”.

The power in my hand have the control them and should not misuse any of them. Time past away, I left the field early, as I am duty medic on Friday. Erick allowed me to leave we 5 tonner and fall a sleep.

On Saturday night, I went with P2, Jocelyn and Huda for coffee session which we held every Saturday night together and gossip and share problem among ourselves. Relief my stress of power and depression. I now ease my mind to other side of darkness. Time will come again as we don’t know when it will come. Raising the flag high each morning and remember what Harry Ford say.

Life was Worse. Feeling Depression

2 weeks had past since my passing out parade of medic course level 1. Though that life will be good and fun learning when back to my camp. But I was wrong it turns out bad to worse, receiving problem and trouble of 1 of our team. Among the medics I am the experience ones who is a nurse have a good knowledge in medical term. I had a task to guide the new medic of medical equipment. I share my knowledge and skill to them and they learned. One of the medics always causing problem among us. He keep on claim he having stress and headaches, I understand how he feel and what life have change him. I try to change his mentally but failed to do so but I didn’t give up hope.

At the clinical measurement room, I gave him a try to take parameter for a patient who having rash. He looks worry and didn’t give a try, I try to pursue him but he refuse. Later he left the room to other side silently. I carry on my work while other was busy to manage the medical center. Suddenly we were call up to lecture room to meet our medical officer. In shock of life, our MO warned us included smoker not to smoke around the medical center again. We already know who did it as we just act normal. Reason that I know my teams were busy in each session while he the only one didn’t do anything.

Life was dead and tired. Depression over a matter. Feeling Hopeless and Saddness. Can’t think of solution to help a medic who had given up hope. That night I was holding a can of coke drinking outside the colder balcony of the medical center. Looking up the darkness sky and asking myself “WHY IS THIS HAPPEN TO ME”, "WHY MUST THIS MATTER PULLING ME DOWN”, “AM I HOPELESS”, shouting across a darkness field.

Friend came along and place his touch over my shoulder. Seeing me drunk the 9th can of coke a days like drinking alcohol. He asked, “are you trying to kill yourself”. “Some how if I could”, Answer with depression. Sharing problem which I faces and allows me to ease my stressor and depression away. But it didn’t help to solve it out. Silent down myself, and pray these what I can only do. The rest I keep tell myself “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO” or “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO”. Feeling like committee suicide out of the camp and mind. “Are you crazy”, my friend scold me. “Remember that you guide me well and I learn from you cause you are NURSE, you have to stand out and speak out yourself”. Message across my ear since to be hopeless to me. Drunk away my least can of coke, and together walk back to bunk and have a good sleep.

Thursday afternoon, we received urgent message that we need to clean our bunk because our Commanding Officer is coming. 9 out of 10 turn out to do area cleaning, the only one was missing, we call him "MIA Medic". We quickly do the sweeping, cleaning and mopping. An hours past, we mop the floor with Medical Smell and await the floor to dry. Suddenly the MIA Medic appears and we tell him not to enter the room that we had just mop the floor. He argues with us and ask “WHY”, we were so angry but patient and explain with him again. Showing us his stress faces, and he enter the room without physical. His boots were muddy and had mess the room. We shouts and scolds him off, but didn’t turn good. Instead he likes want to fight with us. We decide to give up hope and walk away. He left the bunk and we quickly clean up the mess and this time around we lock up the room and go back to medical center.

Raise up he voice at medical center asking us “WHY WE LOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT TELLING HIM”. Logically, it is the duty of Bunk I/C is to lock up the room when no one is in the room or is a working hours. Unreason, he complains to senior medic and we got a great scolding from senior medic. Feeling anger in the heart, but have no other choice face the music. We did complain couple of time to our senior medic about him, but senior medic also given up hope. Useless and heartless.

End of the week 2, I was terrible down, depress and stress out. I don’t know what to do next. I am lost, confuse & fearing down. Use to be strong and ownership during medic course. But it seen problem and trouble become a great fear to me. Sincerely thinking of giving up HOPE and Mindless of Suicide. Warning to him didn’t give a change. SO HOW.

ENDLESS OF LIFE

Bounce Back After Breakup

Problem with relationship, "maybe", "yes", "No", or "I don't Know". These are the common answer you give to your friends, but will his help.

Breaking up from relationship is never easy. However with help from the people around us like friends and family, the road may be easier to travel. Your life has only just begun, your move to next is by grow from the experience!!

Common reason people give when they broke up:

- Male serving the national service(NS)

- Given less time to opposite partner

- Too fast in relationship without thinking

- Many more reason

- Unable to understand

- No feeling

and Many more.......

Some of us unable to bear the breakup, there are 5 great way to conquer crisis.

1) It will hurt but Not forever

Forget what the songs tell you. The disappointment you feel will last for some time but not forever. Distract yourself from the pain by keeping busy. Call on old friends, make new ones, rediscover your hobby or concentrate on your work.

2) There are other out there

With time and effort you can discover another relationship. Be brave and try again.

3) Don' stand on a 3 legged stool

Build your life around many thing. Invest your time in family, friends, hobbies work and your spiritual needs. When one aspect of your life disappoints, there will be four others to support you. Building your life around one or two aspects will lead to instability when crisis strikes.

4) It's not the end of the world.

Talk to someone who has been through it. Like your brother, sister or friends may have been through a breakup. Ask about their experience, feeling and why. Your parents will be proud that you can manage your crisis.

5) I am stronger than that.

I can take knock in life. Nothing can stop me. I am stronger than that. With the support of my friends, family, buddies any my spirit, I can get over this obstacle. Drinking and smoking are not good ways to help me cope and I should not take too much of it. Driving dangerously is also not a solution to my problem.

These are the 5 tips been use on people who had breakup with their partner.