Last Word that is someone speical

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Today is to mark the memories left behind of James (not his real name). He is a friendly and kind heart man who gives away his trust to his friends and other of his own. He met his trustful medic on 25 May 05 and his good friend among all. He lives happy together with his platoon mate and sleep together with his session mate. At night when he got problem or injuries he will look for his medic. On the day of 5 Aug, he had cardiac problem with left chest pain. His ECG was abnormal and was transfer to hospital. His medic accompany him to NUH A&E. He was warded to ward 53 for observation. On 7 Aug, he was refer to ICU as his went for operation but was successful, His condition was bad and did not return to normal statues till 24 Aug. His condition turn worse and pass away on 30th Aug at 2100hrs. His story leave behind by a medic who have be beyond his side.

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Dying Patient Part 3 (END)

Today I went to NUH for medical appointment for my GI problem. My appointment was at 3pm and I decide go and see my patient who has already admitted in ICU for 34days since he admitted on 7 Aug. I went in my attire in home cloth and afraid they wouldn’t let me in as they only allow 2 visitor or SAF Personnel. I was outside at ICU and came along Staff Nurse Ng who had share with me of the patient condition. She recognized me and open ICU Door open for me. She said with a smile: Hi, are you here to see your patient today” I applied with anxiety “Yes, how is his condition so far staff nurse Ng” She turn quite and bought me to the pantry and she bought the case file in. My Handphone was switch to silent and didn’t want to answer any call. Sorry Vanessa, Benjamin and David that I didn’t answer your call.

Staff Nurse Ng:
He was confirm to have last stage of cardio problem and now he is suffering Acute Cardiomyopathy. He had a VF Wave at 0900hrs in the morning was revise back at 0915hrs. I have informed the unit camp and the family members about his case. They are now outside waiting for the medical result of the blood test. His vital sign are abnormal and are the sign that his death is coming soon. Temperature is at 35 degrees. Pulse is 48bpm. Respiratory is 35bpm. BP is 70/49mmHg. I understand that how you feel as he is your patient for more than a month. Your feeling is still with him and knowing you are a nurse. You should know what are the prospect to face death that even your love ones and a long acute patient.

Myself:
I don’t know what to do know now. As you know Staff Nurse Ng, as a good friend of his, he had put his trust on me weather he is sick and injuries. And now I am failer who doesn’t do so. I think I not fit to be a combat medic nurse. I can’t bear much pain to myself who is a nurse and have the best knowledge to other. I just wonder that will he forget me. Would I get up my feet again and carry on my duty.

Staff Ng and I leave the pantry and see him. Outside the glass sliding door, I watch him and look at his ECG rhythm. It was abnormal and may not able to leave till tomorrow. I decide to enter the room. I don on the PPE and sat beside him. I told him my last word before he leaves anytime. My dear James (Not his real name), I know you are awaking able to feel me beside you, your ear is open to listen. You aren’t sleeping. I wish to tell you that he are a very true friend of my, we were together everything we need help. We strike on to our goal after our NS. But now, I want to say sorry to you that I unable to lift you up. I lost my and your trust that you given to me. I very sorry for the cause, I am a failer to do as my duty as medic. I just hope you able to forgive me and forgot what had happen. I hear your story and I have not seen your family member yet. I don’t what can I do for you. I know you have suffered enough for the last 34 days in ICU. You had fought as you go along. I think now you should rest and make yourself happy upside, I can’t bear seeing you like that. It is good for you to rest here and when you up there. I would like you to watch and pray for each our men on the earth. Included your family member and May the angles look after you. Your greater power is within you and thinking that you might think I am selfish person. But in fact, you should know. James is time already you have to rest.

Staff Nurse Ng came beside me and gives her touch feeling of sadness on my shoulder. I then, tear down and silent for a short while. Look at the time, is at 1415hrs, I got to leave for appointment. Looking at her eyes are wet, she look like she going tear too. I told her thank you every much that all you have share with me. I believe James should understand now. I went to get my belonging and staff nurse Ng walk together with me out to ICU ward. I saw his parent outside crying in tear. Staff Nurse Ng, intro James's parent to me and she told them I am the Medic who have been looking after him since the day of admission. I felt sorry for them. But what awake me they said this “thank for looking after my son, I know you have bear a lot of pain to see him. I appreciated your kindness and your professional work. I think I have face the fact of my son in his condition, thank you".” Welcome Sir", applied in sadness of tear. At time Vanessa call me again, I don’t dare to answer the call cause I was crying in tear, Sorry Van. I went for appointment at the medical center/board. And the doctor told me to careful what I eat and carry on the medication for other month. I went for other endoscope to check my intestine for further infection.

At 1800hrs, Van msg me to join Huda birthday celebration at centerpoint. I didn’t turn out because I don’t wish to stupid the mood of happier. Sorry Huda and thank for your invitation. Wish you happy birthday.

At 2100hrs, James passes away. He had left his love ones behind and friends that he had decided where to go. James, I glad you accept the choice of it. But nevertheless, you are still my best friend. Thank you for all you have done for me. I hope you a look after us in your spirit and may you rest in peace. For me I take time to recover my fact, and your memories will leave in my dairy and photo. * Salute *

Dying Patient Part 2

After my discharge day on the 24 August, I decided to pay a visit my patient in ICU ward for more then 3 weeks. I enter the ICU in my home clothing and one of staff nurse recognized me. At the nursing counter, She shares with me of my patient condition. I was very unset and not to break down tear in front of her. She shared with me that his condition was unstable for the last few days. His heart wave is increase 2mm apart and SPO2 is 95% even on oxygen therapy. His diagnosis was discussed as Acute Cardiomyopathy. His lung function is abnormal. Blood test results was in horrify, everything is in low and high. I though he will survive and get out of ICU. But I was totally wrong, I read his case notes and terrible sad and depression. I control my tease and do some basic care of him.

I held his hand and pray for him. I decided to tell him that I understand how you feel on the bed, but u will never be alone. The angles are the nurses and doctors are here to help you out. You can hear their voices and you can feel their touch on your skin. Now you can feel me holding your hand. We are here to encourage you to carry on to come back to life. Thinking and thinking away, and I guess he may not be able to live long as the stage of disease win over him. At the end, I told him again that I suggest that you shouldn’t hold on any longer and you have to leave here to go up to heaven. You have suffered enough of you life and days in the ICU. You might think I am selfish but it for your own good. You hear me and saw me beyond your side every week to visit you. You know and feel me taking care of your need. Everything is by heard and touches. Tear went down from my eye. I try to control but have reached my limit. And I did it, I cried in front of him. I said to myself, I don’t want to lose a friend like him. I don’t want to lose a life that, I have to care and other medical support. I just can’t bear the lose of a life. WHY is this thing happen to me? Do I against to other or am I actually selfish to myself? Friend, please tell me, why this is happen to me, please speak out. Cried over the time, and say guess I am foolish of myself. I’m sorry, got to leave here to go back and rest. If you decided to leave, I wish you look over us and answer our prayer. I left and thank to the staff nurse to share with me about his condition. She comforts me as I walk out of the ICU. Then blast to tear again and thinking what I have done. Taking the stair down and a story was left behind and never forget what happen.

Admission in Hospital Story & Thank You

On the 16 Aug in the morning, I was going for run with friends but all the sudden my abdominal pain till I fainted off. According to my medic told me that my bunkmates stretcher me to medical center and was an emergency cases. Soon I was transported to NUH A&E immediate. Then admitted in the ward at 1630hrs on 17 Aug. Sad cases, message P2, Joceyln and other who i cant remember. That night the doctor attended to me and do some phyiscal examination. There were unknown of my diagnosis when a term of doctor trying to figure out what happens to me. I have no fever, vomiting and stool problem. I went for CT scan on Saturday and found nothing. The last test was my horrified test is Endoscopes (it a tube going through the mouth and to GI tract). They found out of infection of my small intestine. The doctor perform an immediate remover know as biopsy. Next day I wake up and found myself in the ward. Doctor told me he had remove about 3cm of the layer and was successful but need to observer any bleeding for a day. I felt painful at my abdominal again but take time to subset it. On 24 Aug, I was all right and able to discharge. And happy that I all right but now I felt a mild pain only maybe because of the remover ba. =D Oh yes I had to give my special thank to all my nurses friends, ITE Lecturer, NYP Lecturer, HMI Lecture, Army friends, family, Zai Family, VDD, RCY (VI & Cadets) and relative for your concern. Thank for the gift that you have give to me and I appreciated it. Thank

Guest Acknowledgment

Contribute by VDD & RCY (VI)

Ms P2 Ms P1, Ms Doreen, Ms Huda, Ms Jocelyn, Ms Huimin
Mr Wilson, Mr Lugan, Mr Ambrose, Mr Nicky, Mr Kenny, Mr Yong Cheng

Contribute by RCY (Cadets)
YenHui, Ting Ting, Xinyi, Audrey, Kaiying, Cheng Hong, Hui Chu, Persis, Zadina, RI Cadet

Hospital Nurse (Enrolled Nurse and Staff Nurse)
SGH
Christina Ong, Crystal Tan, Pei Shan

AH

Peishin, Peiling

NUH

Bita, Zaina. Shalina

KKH

Ellen

Lecturer & Student Nurse (NYP & ITE)
ITE
Jacq Chan, Liew, Ms Chow, Mdm Yew

NYP

Peiyuh, Hoisum

National Day

Happy Birthday, Singapore. Haha Yeah it is over for the past 2 days. On that day, I was the medic at medical post. I was happy to see everyone who I know from Ministry of Health (MOH), Red Cross Youth, Nursing Board and St John. It seen that it is a small world. My friends were shock to see me that I know everyone in the NDP medical term. Hahaha, they were wondering who am I and where am I from?

Not long from Red Cross Youth arrived, and I give a small detail on the NDP medical guideline. I realize that it not easy to handle with public in Army Uniform while I rather be a Red Cross Uniform. It is so much different to handle. I learn to be more patient as usually and get their understand as now the press and news are narrowing on Army Medic. Each step I do have to be every careful. Ah, I remember when handing female casualty I refer to Red Cross Cadets. So nothing will wrong if the press is writing news about us. I remember I like to use my junior VI to handle for me, if she busy I cant remembers whom I used in the 1st shift. =P. At around 4pm, I got about 20 casualties from both medical posts. About 5pm, my friend run to medical post and told us the casualty fainted off. I ran with him with our air viva and stretcher toward to the casualty. These is a big problem the casualty was a female lucky the sister, was all right as she witness us assess the casualty. Later she turn to unstable, we decide to evacuate to medical post. She was so heavy without thinking, we run quickly as possible. Reach at medical post, I quickly catch my breath as tell the Doctor what happen. I look around; I guess the cadets were wondering what happen to the casualty. Around evening time, there were a peak of casualties were injuries and illness from their medical history. My medical post was busy and other tries to do the treatment quickly. Each time I received a female casualties I will call a cadet name “Ting Ting” to call and help me or Shirley my junior VI. I don’t know why I kept on calling Ting Ting maybe easy to remember her name. Oh ya, I was surprise to hear from her that she want to be a Nurse, Haha Guess that see her soon in NYP. Well, I still concern about her when both of us attend to the old man who had abrasion wound on the both kneecap. That casualty made use of the cadets. I ask Joshua and Nicky to gather the cadets aside because I will know the old man will walk away. True enough the old man walk away few minute after the cadet had gather one side. One I received a female who, fell in the drain other is a girl who grandmother want to remove a foreign object.

I am glad to work together with the MOH, St John and of course when I belong to is Red Cross working as a family. So far there are a total of 50 casualties in Yishun Heartland.

Dying Patient!!!

A week ago, I visit my friend who is admitted in the Hospital. He was having a last stage of illness. I enter in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), with PPE on. He was sleeping when I visited him. Looking at him, I felt sad and confuse. I sat beside him and keep him accompany. He was on ETT, 24hours Vital Sign and ECG lead. Later, He woke up by opening his eyes, and look at me. I felt happy as he awake. He tried his best to communicate but unable cause the tube is in his mouth. He tear down and hold my hand, I know he tried to tell me something, I told him that he will be fine and recovered soon. I look at the ECG line, was turning abnormal any time. I remember his last word when we will up the rooftop. He wishes to carry on his study after NS to be Engineer (Aircraft).

I can’t bear much and can’t do much for him. He is the only boy in his family and had a girlfriend waiting for him to recover. I told him that to stay on not to give up so soon, you have a long way to go, my dear friend. I control my tear as I walk out of the room. Tearing down fast and uncontrolled myself as I told myself, what am I doing, and why I have to do all these visiting and document that patient are going to die soon? Why I have this appointment as a combat nurse? Should I been here the first place? After an hour, I document down all I need to do so and carry out my work. Walk out of the ICU and reflected back what happen to him during the event that cause him to collasp.

Would he still be live after along recover or he will give up his life?